Church Reflections

A few weeks ago I had received a flier in the mail for a new church that would be starting up in January at the same community center I use for working out during the week. I had wanted to go to the first service but that coincided with time that Jason was home and we had other plans. So I had been waiting for this week to go. It happened that we were up in time on our own to go, and I was able to get Hannah ready in time to go. I will admit I drove past first to see how many people where there, unsure if I was wanting to go. I am not a huge fan of going to a new church on my own. It can be intimidating. I often feel I'm being judged for being there with my daughter on my own, but I tried to erase all the worries from my mind and be open to the experience.

Hannah didn't want to be with the birth to 3year olds. She demanded to go in with the 3-5 year olds. Apparently she did really well and enjoyed the message of stop, look and listen and we have been talking about that message all day with her picture on the fridge.

I was blessed to hear a message about fear vs faith. How a faith tested in the fire is a faith to be trusted. How Shadrack, Meshak and Abendago trusted that the Lord would deliver them from the fire but most importantly what struck me was how Abendago stated that even if God did not deliver them from the fire they would still trust in him and still would not worship the King Nebuchadnezzar. It brought to my mind how though sometimes we don't get what we wish for or desire, that we should not give up on our faith. That those are the times when we need to continue to have faith and trust that God's path for us is better than that of man.

It has been a hard couple of years for Jason and I. Yes we choose to start a family and God blessed us to have Hannah. Though since that time financially we have found ourselves in a nearly constant struggle to make ends meet. This has been a trying time for both of our faiths to understand how we will provide for our family. But that's just the thing we aren't providing for our family, God is. He is putting the things that we need in our path and we are blessed to have that. God has a plan for our lives and though we often struggle to understand what that plan is we need to have faith that God will provide, He will not forsake us.

Though this was my first time at this church, I think I'll give it another couple of shots before I make a decision about if this is a church home for us or not. But I did enjoy what I saw today. And because it's a new church that is simply renting a community space and is smaller in numbers it doesn't feel as daunting as going to a well established church that is large where I can get lost in the crowd. I don't want to get lost in the crowd, I want to establish connections.

I have struggled for many years in establishing a social network. I have a lot of people that "I know", but few friends that I would call on in a time of need or hang out with. But when I do make friends they tend to become very close and last for a long time. So part of my desire to not get lost in the crowd is the hope that I can find meaningful relationships for myself and for my family. That is a big part of my decision in finding a home church is will we be able to form relationships that matter while we are there or will we simply get lost in the crowd.

Today after the service they did a hotdog and chips feed. I had to leave the area to go pick up Hannah. When I returned the woman that had been working the front door said to me "I was worried you weren't going to come back". That right there told me that someone had noticed. I of course smiled and simply said "No I wasn't leaving, I was going to pick up my daughter, this is Hannah". That was enough to start a meaningful relationship for me. I hope she will be there next week so I can say hello to her again.

Anyways I'm hoping that this will be a start to a new journey in my life. I'm trying hard to do what I can to make 2011 better for me personally. I have joined the community center gym and have been going several times a week. Some times I am upstairs on the treadmill or track while Hannah plays. Other days we are both in the pool together, but the goal was for me to get more active and for Hannah and I to get out of the house a bit more throughout the week. And now I'm on a journey to feed my spiritual side that has been neglected or maybe not neglected but definately not nourished for some time. It is time to regain some balance in my life.