I often choose not to discuss my work because many don't understand it or agree with it. Often there isn't much I can share because of confidentiality. Today I feel the need to share how my work can affect me. I came into work and was immediately bombarded by other staff that needed to talk me before anything else, which is somewhat unusual. What they had to tell me are words I don't enjoy hearing. "Mr. X passed away".
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Again for reasons of confidentiality I can't even tell you how because it could identify the person. Though does it really matter? Not really.
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It's the reality of the job I do. I work with addicts. I work with people who have criminal pasts. Anything can happen. The reality of working with addicts is that they relapse. Sometimes this comes with poor choices that leads to death, or overdosing. . . the reality is that work with addicts is really life or death. I'm in the business of saving souls (as my supervisor would say).
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It's so true, the work I do is about instilling hope in those that have been hopeless. Walking beside them as they learn who they are, learn how to deal with life and emotions that come with living, as they begin to restore their lives or sometimes not even restoring because there wasn't anything there in the past, so building their life from the ground up.
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Don't get me wrong it's possible that others have passed and I've not known because they were no longer in contact or treatment. But when somone that you have been working with passes, it's hard. There are a lot of what if's, and questions that arise. Today's circumstances are a bit different for me. I don't have questions about did I do everything I could have, because I know deep down in my heart that I did. But also because this person choose to leave last week and was no longer in our care I feel a sense of detachement, and sadness that the life ended this way.
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I struggle watching those in the community that I work in. I struggle seeing them reacting- some with open sorrow, others with anger, others even with joy because they didn't perhaps like the individual. I struggle with grief (mine and others). Today's been a day of prayer.
Prayers for peace, understanding, patience and hope.
1 comment:
Aw Jess I am sorry! Your job is tough!!!! Just like doctors who lose their patients as well, I don't know how you do it! I still feel in my heart that those people are hurt so far beyond help sometimes they choose to walk away and end it in a selfish way that they "think" is their final solution when maybe just maybe they could have tried one more time and succeeded, but they do not believe in themselves the way you do! You are a strong soul, and they are VERY blessed to have you in their lives. If others think negatively about your work, they are ignorant. VERY ignorant bc this does happen to good people, they get mixed up with the wrong people and a very weak time in their lives, and it sometimes just takes ONE individual to say the RIGHT thing to them for them to change. I have a wonderful aunt who went through addiction. It tore our family apart. One day I had enough at 16 years old I told her in a very adult way how she not only hurt herself, but ME. She took one of the only honest people in my life and made them vanish. Amongst other things I told her I loved her and would never disown her but I didnt Love who she became I loved who was deep inside... year later she was sober. She came to me and told me I hurt her feelings by telling her how I felt. I hurt her by telling her bc she realized how she was hurting me. That was NOT ok with her she thought she was ONLY hurting herself. Sometimes it takes real courage to find the right words to help those people that are so lost Without blaming them or shoving addiction in their face.
You have a tough job. Counselor, mommy, and wife... all tough to juggle but you do all those jobs PERFECTLY!
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